This blog will be a very open and personal blog.. todays entry will set the stage to introduce you to who I really am and begin an open and honest sharing relationship.
Life is full of highs and lows.. or as the saying goes “mountain top and valley moments”.
Are those highs marriage, health, birth of a child, breaking free of an addiction, graduation, new job? Are those lows a death of a loved one, divorce, addiction, infertility, abuse, the sickness of a child or children that seems to never end, the lost of a job, depression?
We all have been there.. Moments of highs and lows.. Moments to celebrate and moments we would prefer to tuck away and never see again. Chapters of life. Life, as i see it, are full of mountain top moments preparing you for the valley times. We all know that cycle well. I have grown to learn that it is not just how we handle those valley moments but it is also about how we grow during those mountain top times.
Valley times are nothing new to me. The better part of my twenties were spent in a valley. Now you say that is a long time. There were times of mountain tops. Some lasted longer than others. While in those valley moments it felt as if those mountain tops were no longer in view. Days seemed to only get longer.
I know we have all been there.. To compare my valley moments to yours wouldn’t be right. Of course we would prefer to stay on those mountain tops.
The valley that started my 20s was a dark long one. The lost of a husband. It’s a feeling you will never be able to explain.
If your reading this and you have lost a love one a mom, dad, brother, sister, sibling, child, husband, wife, friend, whomever, you know this feeling all to well.
I learned that the grieve process is different for everyone. We tend as humans to view others moments of weakness and say what we would or would not do. The hard way to learn the saying “until you have walk a mile in my shoes” is to actually walk that mile. Then you still have no say, we all deal with each life chapter so differently.
I will say, the valley of losing a husband, facing life alone, was not a time of growth for me.
As I quickly tried to tuck that chapter away and move on I found a man. A man who God knew I needed. But little did this man realize that he would be apart of my healing process later. A healing process that waited long after the actually valley moment.
I was back on the mountain top. Here I stood remarried with my family. Looking back into the valley, I wished to never return. It was not long and I was back, swallowed up by that valley. Deep, Deep, down into that valley. The lost of a pregnancy jolted me into a world of unknown hurt and a world of reliving a chapter in life I had not fully closed.
Just like that, deep into that valley, I laid there licking my wounds of life. Wallowing in the hurt and sorrow for what I had endured. How unfair I felt like life had treated me. There I was back looking up wanting that mountain top I could not see at all. Living a life of open wounds. Aimlessly wondering how could this be.
It took some time to come to realize that in order to be on that mountain top again I had to really want it. I had to realize that life is what I make of it. It will not wait on me to be ok. It will just tick on and on until I am left behind. I came to realize that God will give us more than we can bear, yes i said it, He will. He wanted to break me and mold me. I just had to allow the molding to happen.
When it comes to losing a loved one and lost of love due to divorce or other chapters of life that cut deep I do not believe those chapters ever really fully close. You never want to fully move on from losing a loved one because we always want their memory close but we learn for that hurt to somewhat heal and turn to happier memories and not burn a hole at all times.
No, I am not perfect nor do I have it figured out. I just realize that life is what I wake up and make it. Life is about choosing to be happy.
If life did not have these different chapters how would we ever grow? How would be ever know true happiness? How would we be able to appreciate those good times? The shaping of a person happens by the hardships. Being breakable is not a weakness, being humble in hardship is wisdom.
So wake you up when it is all over? When you are wiser and older? All this time spent finding yourself that you did not even know was lost. The parts of you that were lost can be found. I spent a lot of time finding Me. A Me that I did not even know was lost.
Do not let anyone tell you that you are to young or old to understand life changes. Do not try carrying the weight of the world, we only have two hands. Love is the prize to win. Not just love as in marriage, Love as in loving yourself and the moments that are yours.
I want to say if you are reading this and you have lost a love one, been through a divorce experiencing infertility, or just scorned by life itself and you are looking up to a mountain top you can get back up. You can make your climb back up there. Do not be blinded by the clouds and bumps.
Most of all remember, when standing on that mountain top viewing the valley behind you do not take for granted that season of hardship, and always stay prepared for the next valley.
